🎙️Behind the Episode: The High Cost of Being Likable

with Bethany Busch, MS, CSCS & Auria Zahed, MS, LMFT
UpLift Women’s Wellness — the podcast from Head 2 Toe Strength

Women are conditioned from childhood to be agreeable, easy, warm, accommodating, and—above all—likable. And in this week’s episode of UpLift Women’s Wellness, Bethany and Auria dig into how that expectation primes women for people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and, in the most damaging cases, narcissistic abuse.

This conversation is a blend of straight-talk, humor, clinical insight, and lived experience—the exact mix that defines our work across strength coaching, nutrition coaching, and mental health therapy at Head 2 Toe.

Why Being “Likable” Costs Women Their Power

Research shows that nearly half of women regularly withhold opinions or downplay achievements in order to be perceived as likable.
It’s not framed as a skill—it's framed as part of who we are, which is exactly the trap.

Auria breaks down how this “unpaid job” of likability becomes a full-time emotional performance.
Bethany points out that this spills into every area of wellness—including the way women exercise, eat, and seek support.

If you’re someone who has changed yourself to keep the peace, this episode will hit home.

Want to dig deeper into how internal validation shows up in your daily routines? Our coaching philosophies break this down beautifully here:
→ Our Philosophy
→ Who We Are

People-Pleasing: How It Starts & Why It Sticks

People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a survival pattern learned through experiences like:

  • inconsistent or emotionally unavailable parents

  • childhood bullying

  • high-pressure homes

  • relationships where being agreeable = staying safe

Across both coaching and therapy, we see this pattern show up as:

  • overgiving

  • hiding your emotions

  • apologizing for everything

  • choosing relationships where you’re needed, not valued

  • linking your worth to how useful you are

Bethany and Auria discuss how this people-pleasing pattern can spill into fitness routines, nutrition habits, and even how women choose support. That’s why our approach refuses one-size-fits-all “be good” wellness culture and instead centers grounded, practical care:
→ Strength Without the BS
→ Private Virtual Training

Narcissists & People-Pleasers: A Perfect Storm

Auria pulls back the curtain on what narcissism actually is—not the TikTok version, but the clinical one.
A true narcissist:

  • lacks empathy

  • operates transactionally (“What can you do for me?”)

  • uses charm publicly, cruelty privately

  • targets high-empathy, self-blaming people

And the painful truth?
People-pleasers make ideal targets.

Bethany and Auria talk about how narcissists:

  • attack joy

  • chip away at confidence

  • use passive-aggressive tactics

  • gaslight until you doubt your reality

  • isolate you while making everyone else adore them

It’s the familiar “death by a thousand cuts.”

If this resonates—and you want support building strength in your body and your boundaries—start here:
→ Mental Health Therapy
→ Performance Coaching

Getting Out: The Poker Face, The Exit, and The Rebuild

Auria shares the counterintuitive truth:
You cannot emotionally react to a narcissist.
Your emotion is their fuel.

In-the-moment strategy:

  • stay neutral

  • stay brief

  • avoid explaining

  • avoid showing hurt

  • do not negotiate

Leaving often means losing an entire social circle the narcissist already groomed. But Bethany highlights the transformation that follows: women reclaim their identity, confidence, boundaries, and self-worth—often faster than they expect.

If you’re rebuilding your life, body, and routine after emotional chaos, these are great places to begin:
→ Strength Coaching
→ Nutrition Coaching
→ Auria’s Approach
→ Bethany’s Approach

Final Takeaway: Likability Is Not a Life Skill

This episode is an invitation to:

  • stop being palatable

  • stop outsourcing worth

  • stop shrinking to keep the peace

  • start living from your values

  • start choosing yourself

  • start taking up space

And if you’re ready to explore what choosing yourself looks like—in your body, your habits, your boundaries, and your relationships—connect with us here:
→ Contact & Services
→ Therapy
→ Coaching

🎧 Show Notes for “The Cost of Being Likeable”

UpLift Women’s Wellness — Hosted by Bethany Busch, MS, CSCS & Auria Zahed, MS, LMFT

Episode Summary:
This episode dives into how societal pressure to be likable makes women vulnerable to people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and narcissistic abuse. Auria breaks down the psychology; Bethany brings the real-world patterns seen in coaching. Together they explore values, boundaries, and reclaiming personal power.

In This Episode:

  • why women feel responsible for keeping the peace

  • people-pleasing as a learned survival behavior

  • how narcissists target high-empathy women

  • the difference between “mean” and clinical NPD

  • the poker-face strategy to navigate narcissists

  • what healing looks like after leaving an abusive dynamic

  • choosing yourself over being “likable”

Resources Mentioned:

Work With Us:

Connect:
Explore all services at Head 2 Toe Strength → https://www.head2toestrength.com/