There’s a conversation that’s been years in the making—quietly living in the background of our work, our coaching, and our personal lives. This episode finally gave us the words for it:
Emotional equality is the next frontier.
Not financial. Not legal. Emotional.
Yes—women have fought for the right to vote, buy houses, secure loans, build careers, and create independence. But the internal landscape? The programming we were raised with? The emotional rules we’re taught to follow?
That’s where the real battle is happening.
And we need to talk about it—especially for the women who’ve never fit the “default” mold. The women who have always been “too different, too bold, too loud, too soft, too emotional, too ambitious, too much, or not enough.”
You deserve a seat in this conversation.
🌫️ The Boxes We’re Expected to Check (and Why They’re Crushing Us)
If you grew up in a system that wasn’t built for you—and many of us did—you know the script:
Be a great mom.
Be a great partner.
Stay thin, look young, be beautiful.
Work full-time.
Don’t complain.
Don’t ask for too much.
Don’t choose you.
This “perfect woman” checklist is not neutral. It’s rooted in a patriarchal structure that assumes women’s value exists in how well we serve, soothe, sacrifice, and smile.
Auria said it perfectly in the episode:
We weren’t raised to choose ourselves.
And for many women—especially Black and Brown women, first-gen daughters, daughters of immigrants, queer women, neurodivergent women, and women who grew up outside the “mainstream” box—the expectations are even heavier.
We’re navigating:
Cultural pressure
Family obligation
Respectability politics
Beauty standards we were never meant to meet
Survival mindsets
Intersectional identities
Fear of being labeled “difficult” or “ungrateful”
No wonder anxiety and depression are skyrocketing. We’re doing mental gymnastics 24/7 trying to live up to rules we never agreed to.
💼 What Men Do Right (and Why We Should Steal It)
Let’s be clear:
“Do it like a man” does NOT mean becoming aggressive, cold, or selfish.
It means adopting the parts men were allowed to have that women were denied:
Confidence
Self-belief
Directness
Risk-taking
Boundaries
A sense of entitlement to joy and success
Remember the data we shared in the episode:
Men apply for jobs at 60% qualification.
Women wait until 100%.
A Cornell study found men overestimate their abilities while women underestimate theirs—even with identical performance.
That gap isn’t innate.
It’s taught.
And it shows up everywhere:
Negotiating pay
Starting a business
Leaving a toxic relationship
Buying a home
Investing
Setting boundaries
Choosing rest
Saying “no”
Taking up space without apologizing
Our goal is not to “be men.”
Our goal is to claim what men were socially allowed to claim—without losing the empathy, connection, nuance, and emotional intelligence that women excel at.
If you’re building this emotional muscle and want support, our Mental Health Therapy and Strength Coaching teams help you build confidence from the inside out.
🔥 Flipping the Script: Finding Your Truth
The only way out of the “perfect woman” trap is to realize this:
The box isn’t yours.
It was handed to you.
You don’t have to wear it.
Your truth—your REAL truth—lives underneath:
Family expectations
Cultural traditions
Patriarchal rules
Beauty standards
Fear of judgment
Childhood conditioning
The need to be liked
That inner truth is where your alignment lives.
Your peace.
Your “soul is smiling” feeling.
Your joy.
Your confidence.
Your whole identity outside of what you were trained to be.
If you’ve been feeling inadequate, small, unsure, or disconnected from yourself—yes, it’s emotional. And yes, it’s something you can work on.
This is the exact work we do through:
You deserve to choose you—without guilt.
🎧 Episode Show Notes: 19. The “Perfect Woman” Lie — And How to Break Out of the Box
Overview
Hosts Auria Zahed and Bethany Busch break down the emotional side of gender equality—specifically, why women are still carrying disproportionate emotional, mental, and societal weight. They explore confidence, societal pressure, internalized expectations, the “perfect woman” script, and what it looks like to build real emotional equality.
This episode is especially for women who have always felt othered or outside the mold.
Key Discussion Points
00:02:38 – The Thesis: How patriarchal rules train men and women differently—and how to reclaim the positive traits men were allowed to own.
00:04:13 – The Confidence Gap: Men apply with 60% qualifications; women wait for 100%. Cornell study on ability over/underestimation.
00:06:52 – Financial Mindset: A real example of a woman downplaying her financial capacity due to gendered conditioning.
00:09:32 – Emotional Equality: What it looks like to set boundaries and pursue goals without being called difficult.
00:12:03 – The Societal Boxes: Wife. Mother. Beauty standard. Sex object. The script we inherit without consent.
00:16:51 – Mental Gymnastics: How pressure from society, partners, and culture affects daily choices—down to hair and appearance.
00:18:09 – Aging & Beauty: Why women feel pressured to hide aging and why men aren’t judged the same.
00:23:51 – The Next Step is Confidence: Emotional equality as the next frontier for women’s liberation.
00:26:19 – Finding Your Truth: Moving beyond survival mode to soul-aligned living.
00:29:02 – Defining Happiness: The feeling of your soul smiling.
00:31:50 – 4 Steps to Waking Up: How to reclaim joy and self-worth, especially after a toxic relationship.
00:34:19 – Redefining Self-Care: Individual or group—self-worth is the root.
Resources & Next Steps
For women ready to step into confidence, define their truth, and build strength inside and out, start here:
Build a Supportive Circle
Community matters. Your soul needs people who see you clearly and love you as you are.
Explore support through Therapy or our Who We Are page to meet the team.Experiment with Joy
If you don’t know what brings you joy, you’re not alone.
Try movement, hobbies, and activities inside our Performance Coaching framework.Work on the Internal Narratives
Through Strength Coaching or Therapy, challenge the beliefs that keep you small.Define Your Values
Values are your compass.
They guide your career, your boundaries, your relationships, and your joy.
