In this episode of Uplift Women’s Wellness, hosts Bethany Busch and Auria Zahed, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explore the societal pressures women face to have children and the deeply personal decision to remain childless.
This conversation dives into judgment, privilege, psychological implications, and how women can reclaim their energy, focus, and autonomy.
Challenging the “Childless-by-Choice” Stigma
Women who opt out of motherhood often face accusatory questions like “Why didn’t you?” or “Why won’t you?” Bethany and Auria highlight a refreshing perspective from Tracee Ellis Ross: childless women are “mothering the world and elevating culture as aunties, godmothers, teachers, mentors, sisters, and friends.”
Opt-In Parenting: Parenting is not simply a baseline expectation; it’s a lifelong, multifaceted commitment. Auria emphasizes that women should only parent if they are fully excited to opt in, rather than treating the decision as a negative opt-out.
Redefining Selfishness: Choosing not to have children is often labeled selfish—but Auria and Bethany argue it is more responsible than opting in without the emotional, financial, and mental capacity required for healthy parenting.
Personal Experiences
Bethany’s Story: Witnessing postpartum trauma firsthand as a nursing assistant shaped her early decision to remain childless.
Auria’s Story: Initially dreaming of a large family, her reality check came through her high-demand career in San Francisco, revealing she could not parent the way she envisioned.
Privilege, Choice, and Reproductive Freedom
Modern women benefit from reproductive freedom, yet systemic barriers remain—such as difficulty accessing permanent sterilization due to medical gatekeeping.
The discussion underscores that choice is a privilege and comes with societal responsibility, but also self-compassion.
Rechanneling Nurture Energy
Auria shares how for women who opt-out, the nurturing energy can be redirected toward professional or personal endeavors, enhancing focus, presence, and compassion.
Advice for Difficult Conversations
Be direct and blunt with persistent family questions:
“I’m sorry, we’re not having kids. That may be disappointing, but it’s better you know now.”Reframe compliments like “You’d be such a good mom” with gratitude and boundary-setting:
“Thank you for the compliment, but knowing what it takes to be a good mom is why I can’t promise that to a child.”For women struggling with infertility or loss, Auria recommends professional grief counseling rather than relying solely on friends and family.
Head 2 Toe Strength & Related Resources
Women can explore support for identity, wellness, and mental clarity with:
Show Notes UpLift Women’s Wellness Episode 5 🎧
Episode Title: Choosing to Opt-Out: Redefining Motherhood, Freedom, and Society’s Expectations
Hosts: Bethany Busch & Auria Zahed
Topics Covered:
Societal expectations for women to have children
The childless-by-choice stigma
Opt-in parenting philosophy
Personal stories of choosing not to parent
Rechanneling nurture energy
Advice on handling persistent questioning from friends/family
Guidance for infertility and loss counseling
Links & Resources:
