Self-love has become a cultural buzzword — but for many women, it’s still one of the hardest things to practice. In this week’s episode of UpLift Women’s Wellness Podcast, we sat down with licensed marriage & family therapist Ilona Varo, LMFT to unpack why self-love feels elusive, what gets in the way, and how women can rebuild a relationship with themselves from the inside out.
👉 Learn more about Ilona: ilavaro.com | Instagram @ilonavaro
👉 Explore Head 2 Toe Strength services: head2toestrength.com
Self-Love Is Really Self-Respect (And Most Women Weren’t Taught That)
One of the most powerful themes of this conversation was Ilona’s reframing of self-love as self-respect — not indulgence, not aesthetics, not perfection. Self-respect means knowing your needs, naming them, and letting them matter.
Women, she explained, are socialized from childhood to be palatable, productive, agreeable, and accommodating. That conditioning runs deep. It shows up in how women eat, move, parent, work, and care for everyone but themselves.
In our work at Head 2 Toe Strength, we see this every day — women who push through exhaustion in the gym, ignore pain, talk down to their bodies, or wait until burnout to ask for help. Ilona’s framework mirrors the integrated care we believe in: emotional wellness, strength, nourishment, and identity are inseparable.
The Mind-Body Disconnect: Why “Self-Care” Isn’t Fixing Anything
Ilona made it clear that modern “self-care” often isn’t care at all. It’s avoidance wrapped in aesthetics.
Scrolling instead of resting.
Performing productivity instead of listening inward.
Overtraining instead of supporting the nervous system.
Real self-care is much quieter: 30 seconds of breathing, nourishing food, a boundary with technology, enjoying movement instead of punishing workouts, choosing sleep over stimulation.
This aligns with our own approach at Head 2 Toe Strength — strength training as a supportive relationship with your body, not a system of rules. It’s why our coaching programs intentionally pair training with nervous system regulation, habit coaching, and emotional literacy.
The Five Love Languages… Applied to the Relationship You Have With Yourself
One of the moments of the episode was Ilona’s reimagining of the five love languages:
Words of affirmation → your internal dialogue
Acts of service → the habits you keep for your wellbeing
Receiving gifts → allowing yourself to meet your needs
Quality time → undistracted connection with yourself
Physical touch → respecting your body’s signals and limits
This model makes self-love practical. It shifts self-care from an abstract idea into a daily ritual — something functional, embodied, and neurologically supportive.
Identity, Labels & The Stories We Keep Living Out
A highlight of the conversation was Ilona’s exploration of identity work. Women often cling to labels without realizing they’re doing it:
“I’m not a morning person.”
“I’m bad at boundaries.”
“I’m inconsistent.”
“I always quit.”
These labels quietly shape behavior. They create self-fulfilling prophecies that keep women trapped in patterns they dislike.
At Head 2 Toe Strength, identity work is foundational to the way we coach both strength and emotional wellness. You can’t build consistent habits from a self-concept built on shame. Lasting change comes when identity shifts — not when willpower spikes.
Chronic Pain, Compassion & The Hard Kind of Body Love
Bethany raised an important question around self-love in the context of chronic pain — something many women silently struggle with. Ilona explained that the key is acceptance, not liking or approving of the pain.
Resistance amplifies suffering.
Acceptance makes healing possible.
Pain reprocessing, nervous system work, and identity reframing all intersect here. For women living with chronic illness or long-term tension, this part of the episode felt especially grounding.
So Where Do You Begin? The Gentle Audit
Ilona offered a simple starting point: a holistic check-in across four domains.
Mental health
Physical health
Relational health
Daily habits
Which area feels most misaligned — or easiest to support today?
Maybe it’s sunlight in the morning.
Maybe it’s deleting a late-night app.
Maybe it’s moving your body in a way that feels joyful rather than obligatory.
Maybe it’s admitting you’re exhausted and deserve rest.
Small changes build emotional safety. Emotional safety builds self-trust. And self-trust builds self-love.
Why This Episode Matters for Women’s Wellness Right Now
Self-love is the foundation of:
• strength
• nervous system regulation
• boundaries
• identity shifts
• emotional wellbeing
• long-term consistency
It’s also the core of every service at Head 2 Toe Strength, including:
• Strength Coaching
• Mental Health Therapy
• Private Virtual Training
• Workshops
• Consultations
SHOW NOTES
The Self-Love Blueprint: Values, Identity, and Wellness with Ilona Varo, LMFT
In this week’s episode of UpLift Women’s Wellness, Bethany and Auria sit down with licensed marriage & family therapist Ilona Varo, LMFT to break down what self-love really looks like beyond the clichés. Together, we explore how women can rebuild self-respect, set healthier boundaries, challenge limiting identities, and create daily rituals that support emotional and physical wellbeing.
Whether you’re navigating burnout, chronic pain, body image struggles, parenting stress, or just craving a healthier relationship with yourself — this episode gives you a grounded, compassionate starting point.
In This Episode, We Cover:
What self-love actually means (hint: it’s self-respect, not indulgence)
How to tell the difference between real self-care and avoidance
Why women struggle to prioritize themselves
The five love languages — reimagined for the relationship you have with yourself
Breaking free from limiting identities (“I’m bad at routines,” “I always quit,” etc.)
How self-talk shapes the nervous system
The truth about productivity, performance, and where your worth comes from
Chronic pain, nervous system overwhelm & the role of acceptance
How joyful movement improves emotional health
Practical starting points: nourishment, sleep, sunlight, movement, boundaries
Why flexibility and forgiveness matter more than perfection
Guest Resources
Ilona Varo, LMFT
Website: https://www.ilonavaro.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ilonavaro/
Free Worksheets & Journal Prompts: https://www.ilonavaro.com/free-gifts
Work With Us at Head 2 Toe Strength
We help women and LGBTQIA+ adults reconnect with their bodies, rebuild emotional safety, and get strong in ways that actually make sense for their real lives.
🌿 Strength Coaching & Integrative Training
🌿 Nutrition Support Without Restriction
🌿 Licensed Therapy & Emotional Wellness
🌿 Workshops, Programs & Community Support
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Listen & Subscribe
New episodes drop every Wednesday at 6 PM PT, and are syndicated weekly on 99.1 FM (Metro Atlanta).
Episode Credits
Hosts: Bethany Busch, MS, CSCS, ACSM-EP & Auria Zahed, MS, LMFT
Guest: Ilona Varo, LMFT
Produced by: Head 2 Toe Strength
